Poor Tiger…..

So my avid readers will remember months ago the clip I posted of a wrestling match I had the honor of being involved in.  Granted, I was just the ‘assistant’ referee (that means I basically do nothing but stand there and pretend I’m interested in the match going on while I ponder how not to mess up the next match I’ll be in charge of..), but nonetheless, I was front and center when the end of match festivities took place.  Let’s just say ‘the assault’, for all those who remember.  Well, because of that, I had the honor of being subpoenaed to court to testify about what happened.  Wow, I thought, as I spoke to the officer…Me, being subpoenaed…hell yeah, I need a subpoena to get out of work…I really didn’t, but doesn’t everyone want to be subpoenaed at least once in their life…After weeks of thinking there’s no way this case is ever going to go through, there I was last Thursday morning trudging my way to the Fairfax County Judicial Court for a 10AM trial.  I was told to get there early so that meant I was going to be in the heart of traffic here in great Northern VA at that hour.  I left work around 8AM thinking that should give me plenty of time to get there to do whatever the fuck I had to do before this ‘national’ assault case.  At this point, I still didn’t even know the exact charges as all the lawyers who were supposed to contact me beforehand decided there was no need for that…We’ll just talk at the court I guess.  My 8 o’clock departure did indeed give me plenty of time to arrive at my destination only to behold the colossal Fairfax County Court House.  Holy shit, what an impressive structure…we must have a lot of bad people in this county…and boy do we ever…After parking and wasting 10 minutes in my car doing nothing, I grabbed my book (they told us to bring something to read as sometimes these things drag out and can get pretty boring..) and headed to the court house…Along with all the criminals of the county and their parent/parents.  My God, it was like leading a herd of sheep (that’s the animal that kept coming to mind when thinking about this during my run this morning…I have nothing against sheep, by the way…sorry guys..) to slaughter…It seemed like hundreds of teenagers with headphones in staring at their fucking phones were about 10 paces behind their annoyed-looking, ‘I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening’ parent.  Most of the cases were one parent as I’m sure they flipped a coin as to who would have to take this dreaded Thursday morning responsibility.  I was actually excited about the ordeal, these people certainly weren’t.  I wanted the whole court room experience…the drama, the judge, the jury, the tension, the everything…Bring on a Dateline trial baby…Yeah, right…I got there way too early, wandered around the 21 floors (exaggeration), checking out all the court rooms with full dockets all morning and afternoon…Jesus Christ, all these cases on a Thursday…how many bad people do we have in this county…Here’s your answer — a fucking lot…

I’m not going to bore you with every minor detail, as there really wasn’t anything exciting to report.  We spoke briefly, and I mean briefly, to the Commonwealth of VA attorney about the incident as he acted like it was the first time hearing about anything.  Glad to see our tax dollars going to a worthy cause…Wasn’t there any preparation for this thing…Kevin (the main ref for the match) and I basically sat there expressing our disbelief over and over again of it really coming to this…Tiger, as the head-butter is referred to by his friends (nickname..), and his parents decided nonchalantly to show up at ten minutes before ten.  There was no sign of the kid who got head-butted.  We finally got called into the court room around 10:30 only to find an empty chamber with just the lawyers, judge and defendant.  So much for that huge Dateline trial, I disappointingly thought…The attorneys, or lawyers (what’s the fucking difference..) were going back and forth with numbers before the court was even called to order…Most people I told about this said it would most likely be settled beforehand without even a trial starting…More mild bickering and pacing back and forth was taking place between the lawyers as I overheard them saying shit like ‘we’ll probably settle this’ soon…What..??  I came all this way, sat still for all this time only to get no type of court experience…I want to be on the stand baby…Anyway, the prosecutor (I guess that’s what he’s called..) came over to us after a few minutes and said, ‘I know the tension is high in here, so you might want to leave the courtroom..’…What..(again..)…what fucking tension…My God, this isn’t a double homicide here…Kevin and I reluctantly left the court room wondering what was going to happen next…When we got outside, we did recognize the kid who was head-butted sitting with his attorney collaborating with the VA prosecutor (I guess..)…About 20 minutes later, the officer who had called us there told us we were free to go as they were settling…The lawyer and the kid who was assaulted then approached and thanked us for being there.  I guess ‘us’ being there really strengthened their case…Well, glad I was able to help in some fucking way here…Kevin and I then walked past all the criminals of the county and their representatives not knowing how the case even ended up…

Well, Johnny certainly wasn’t going to be satisfied with that verdict…The officer told us he would send us the following video as I was hoping to get a bit more footage than the last video I shared with you guys…He came through on his promise so that’s when I asked him if I was allowed to ask how the case was resolved…He told me the initial offer was to pay the plaintiff $800 to cover medical bills and whatever else…then it went to $1200, and finally was accepted at $1600 and the headbutter would not have any criminal record after some type of probation…really exciting stuff…Way to go Tiger…

I’m hoping you can somehow open this file below as I couldn’t down and upload it like I usually can…there’s a bit more footage, but nothing like I wanted as the good stuff starts after it cuts off again…

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I actually was a bit surprised at how calm Kevin and I were initially as it seemed like everything escalated within milliseconds at the time…My left hand to the criminal’s back right at the end definitely calmed everything down after that though….Both wrestlers sucked, by the way…Did I mention that…

On another note, I just wanted to add that I didn’t write the bad-word book I talked about last time here…another guy did, I just read it…I actually lost a few followers after that post…gimme a break…people have no sense of humor these days…I actually wrote to the guy commending his brilliance and briefly talked about how I feel bad every time I use that nasty word…I added the following about my Mom and her distaste of it…’My Mom won’t even make my favorite meals anymore when I come home for my birthday and Christmas’…I thought that was one of my best lines ever…I got no response from the fucker…

What, did you think I was going to talk about another Tiger here……

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