Category Archives: People’s actions…

Lesson Learned…

So we all check our mail…these days, it’s pretty much useless though, considering most of us pay all our bills online and the only shit we get in our boxes are advertisements and promotions trying to get us to use one product/service or another…holy fuck, if I get another Verizon special offering me their ‘triple play’ for 17 cents a month plus a $700 gift card upon subscribing, I’m gonna kill someone…like anyone needs a ‘landline’ these days…Maybe I’ll go out and buy one of those rotary phones where you put your finger in the little hole of the number and circle it to the left to dial…Remember those days…Anyway…(this was supposed to be a short post, by the way..)…when you see your mail, I’m pretty confident we all know at first glance what’s remotely important and what’s total junk…For some reason, I’m the idiot who opens each and every time the American Express fucking ‘Blue Platinum’ card envelope I get every week even though there’s a -10% chance I’m going to sign up for it…I guess I just like the feeling of ripping the opened papers in two after doing it…So does my Father…Anyway (again..), the following is the reason you should always open each and every piece of mail you receive…this looked like a ‘useless’ envelope, but what it contained truly changed my life…you’ll understand why now…

Son-of-a-bitch…how cool is this shit…although I’ll probably never actually really retire because I like to work and stay busy, this has me thinking about it…I haven’t deposited it yet, but I’ve planned to not use the ATM method I always utilize…I’m actually going to go into the physical bank (for the first time in 4 years…) just to make sure all of this currency makes it into my account…I can’t wait to see the look on the teller’s face when she gets a hold of this check…She’ll probably have to call the bank manager to verify and notarize everything…Don’t worry, I have no idea what ‘notarizing’ means either…It’s been a great couple days after receiving this…I truly feel like I’ve been blessed in some way, even though I really don’t deserve it…does being a ‘dick’ and criticizing everyone/everything qualify someone for this amount of money…Okay, maybe I do deserve it…

Well, here’s the ‘dick’ coming out in me again…I lied…this was a piece of mailing I didn’t really ignore…As you can see, it did have the same ‘Gap’ emblem on the envelope…I recently used a gift card online that honored a few different stores including The Gap, Old Navy, Banana Republic, Athleta, etc…I didn’t need any yoga pants from the latter store, so I focused on the others…My main objective was to obtain a new ‘bathing suit’…as we Pennsylvania people call them…the 2 Abercrombie and Fitch ones I have from the 90’s are fucking old and a bit out of style at the moment…My first look online was to Banana Republic…I thought I was missing something when I scrolled every which way to learn that the cheapest ‘swimware’ bathing suit they offered was a measly $120…I thought I might have been seeing the ‘zero’ at the end by mistake…Jesus Christ…for $120, this bathing suit better be doing something other for/to me than just protecting me from the water I’m about to dive into…Moving on…The Gap (I can’t believe these stores are still in business, by the way…they seem sooooo old..) offered much better prices, but $40 still seemed like a bit much for swim trunks…On to Old Navy…jackpot…Not to bore you with excessive details (because I never do that..), I found 2 bathing suits and 3…no, wait, I’m lying…sorry…I found a bathing suit and a pair of ‘board’ shorts that I liked…I know what you’re thinking…”What the FUCK are ‘board’ shorts”…Don’t worry, I didn’t know either…but I did purchase them for $14…I assumed the ‘board’ signifies some form of ‘surfing’ or ‘surfboard’, but really…what percentage of people around the world actually fucking ‘surf’…come on, really…are you selling fucking ‘board’ shorts to people who live in South Dakota and fucking Iowa…have they ever even seen a fucking ocean before…Alright, sorry…the f-bomb meter is running a bit high right now…To make a long story short, which is impossible for me…I got 20% of my online order correct to Old Navy…I knew there was a reason why I tend not to purchase clothing online…The ‘bathing suit’ I ordered fit fine…The cool-looking ‘board’ shorts were not to my liking…along with the 3 ‘medium’ logo-ed ‘tees’ I bought…I’ve lifted a weight or two in my life, so my arms and chest do have a little bulk to them…just a little these days…So I had to send them back and order the ‘large’ versions of the ‘logo-ed’ tees and just another regular fucking bathing suit…The sweet lady I spoke to said they would just issue a ‘gift’ card back to me in the amount of the 4 items returned…So…when I saw that envelope with ‘Gap’ on the front, I assumed it was the gift card as the time-table was about right on when it should arrive…I actually felt the envelope as it didn’t appear physically there was any sort of plastic card in it…And there wasn’t…what I got was the above…Life is good…

And for those people who didn’t believe last week’s post…shame on you…

I’m not sure who that other sub-human is on the left in the background…certainly doesn’t look like my brother with those sideburns…For those keeping score, my favorite, ‘Sko’, is directly under my right arm/elbow….LeHarve is to the right of the ‘Happy Birthday John-John’ signage (kind of hard to see him in his worn-out yellow ‘polo’..)…not sure how he was able to handle all the larger animals (especially that huge fucking panda bear hugging the heart) on the mats though…tough little motherfucker, I guess…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A good friend of mine actually asked, ‘Did your Mom really do that to you..??’…such a sweet kid…Devilish Janet also took away my George Carlin (cassette) tapes when I was 7…I bet she still listens to them on occasion…very funny shit…Hmmm…I wonder if my ‘bad’ language problem has anything to do with those recordings…

Does Jordan Spieth ever miss a fucking putt…

By the way, that was the last time I wore a shirt and tie…God, why do I have so much fucking hair………

Off to church to hear some gospels and psalms…………

 

 

Poor John-John….

Remember this guy…

Well, this guy has moved on and has a much better life now…and I have a much worse life now…I’m totally selfish and wish I can still come home after work to see Deuce super-excited, wagging his tail frantically and performing his little spin-around multiple times as I tried to put the leash on him to take him for a walk…I miss seeing him get outside and want to take off running after being in my place all day by himself…I even miss watching him curiously pick his spot, spin around slowly a time or two to position himself into perfect pooping position (he really had great form..), pin his ears back, and then as he’s doing his business, embarrassingly look up at me to make sure I wasn’t looking…of course I was though (like a dick) because I liked seeing his sheepish face…I would quickly turn away thinking he didn’t see me…I know he did though…I even miss grabbing the shit-bags and slowly bending over to….okay, okay, I’m rambling now…I sure as heck didn’t enjoy that part…

Deuce moved out to the country here in Northern VA about 3 weeks ago to live with his brother on a 12-acre plot of land…well, it’s not just him and his brother…a family took him in to take care of them…It would probably be hard for Deuce and his brother to survive on their own in this day in age…with housing prices the way they are and gas constantly…….Anyway, I’m sure he enjoys chasing his ball in a huge yard compared to chasing it in a 1200-square foot condo…it’s just a hunch on my part…Plus, like I said, he has his brother to play with instead of me and Tim…

Stop looking at their asses…that’s not nice…

I’m sure he’s getting in a bit better shape as well…

Man, I’m beat…those 5 minutes of playing just about killed me…
Selfies are just about fucking impossible to take…I took about 10 of these with him and unbelievably, this is the best one…why do I look like such a dork…

I miss you buddy and hope to see you soon…you brought a lot of joy to my life the past year…

As you wipe the tears out of your eyes, I’ll leave you with something a bit more uplifting.  I witnessed a high school/college (whatever..) kid perform some pretty damn good push-ups the other day at the gym…and if I’m saying that, they must’ve been good, huh…after watching him crank out about 25-30 with ease, he decided to seek out the aid of his  workout partner to place a whole, fucking 10-lb plate on his back for his next couple sets…his 160-or-so pound frame performed the push-ups just as easily as without the extra poundage…I respected the kid before he turned into a typical jackass by pulling off that stunt…

And lastly, sorry Deuce, I love ya, but you’ll never take the place of this guy…this is my childhood dog growing up —- RAMBO —- a very fitting name…

Beware of approaching him though…unless you were introduced when he was young…or you were a hot female…he never seemed to mind them…

It’s certainly not Masters weekend, but US Open Saturday and Sunday is pretty damn good too…

Happy Father’s Day to the 3 fathers who read this…

 

 

Poor Tiger…..

So my avid readers will remember months ago the clip I posted of a wrestling match I had the honor of being involved in.  Granted, I was just the ‘assistant’ referee (that means I basically do nothing but stand there and pretend I’m interested in the match going on while I ponder how not to mess up the next match I’ll be in charge of..), but nonetheless, I was front and center when the end of match festivities took place.  Let’s just say ‘the assault’, for all those who remember.  Well, because of that, I had the honor of being subpoenaed to court to testify about what happened.  Wow, I thought, as I spoke to the officer…Me, being subpoenaed…hell yeah, I need a subpoena to get out of work…I really didn’t, but doesn’t everyone want to be subpoenaed at least once in their life…After weeks of thinking there’s no way this case is ever going to go through, there I was last Thursday morning trudging my way to the Fairfax County Judicial Court for a 10AM trial.  I was told to get there early so that meant I was going to be in the heart of traffic here in great Northern VA at that hour.  I left work around 8AM thinking that should give me plenty of time to get there to do whatever the fuck I had to do before this ‘national’ assault case.  At this point, I still didn’t even know the exact charges as all the lawyers who were supposed to contact me beforehand decided there was no need for that…We’ll just talk at the court I guess.  My 8 o’clock departure did indeed give me plenty of time to arrive at my destination only to behold the colossal Fairfax County Court House.  Holy shit, what an impressive structure…we must have a lot of bad people in this county…and boy do we ever…After parking and wasting 10 minutes in my car doing nothing, I grabbed my book (they told us to bring something to read as sometimes these things drag out and can get pretty boring..) and headed to the court house…Along with all the criminals of the county and their parent/parents.  My God, it was like leading a herd of sheep (that’s the animal that kept coming to mind when thinking about this during my run this morning…I have nothing against sheep, by the way…sorry guys..) to slaughter…It seemed like hundreds of teenagers with headphones in staring at their fucking phones were about 10 paces behind their annoyed-looking, ‘I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening’ parent.  Most of the cases were one parent as I’m sure they flipped a coin as to who would have to take this dreaded Thursday morning responsibility.  I was actually excited about the ordeal, these people certainly weren’t.  I wanted the whole court room experience…the drama, the judge, the jury, the tension, the everything…Bring on a Dateline trial baby…Yeah, right…I got there way too early, wandered around the 21 floors (exaggeration), checking out all the court rooms with full dockets all morning and afternoon…Jesus Christ, all these cases on a Thursday…how many bad people do we have in this county…Here’s your answer — a fucking lot…

I’m not going to bore you with every minor detail, as there really wasn’t anything exciting to report.  We spoke briefly, and I mean briefly, to the Commonwealth of VA attorney about the incident as he acted like it was the first time hearing about anything.  Glad to see our tax dollars going to a worthy cause…Wasn’t there any preparation for this thing…Kevin (the main ref for the match) and I basically sat there expressing our disbelief over and over again of it really coming to this…Tiger, as the head-butter is referred to by his friends (nickname..), and his parents decided nonchalantly to show up at ten minutes before ten.  There was no sign of the kid who got head-butted.  We finally got called into the court room around 10:30 only to find an empty chamber with just the lawyers, judge and defendant.  So much for that huge Dateline trial, I disappointingly thought…The attorneys, or lawyers (what’s the fucking difference..) were going back and forth with numbers before the court was even called to order…Most people I told about this said it would most likely be settled beforehand without even a trial starting…More mild bickering and pacing back and forth was taking place between the lawyers as I overheard them saying shit like ‘we’ll probably settle this’ soon…What..??  I came all this way, sat still for all this time only to get no type of court experience…I want to be on the stand baby…Anyway, the prosecutor (I guess that’s what he’s called..) came over to us after a few minutes and said, ‘I know the tension is high in here, so you might want to leave the courtroom..’…What..(again..)…what fucking tension…My God, this isn’t a double homicide here…Kevin and I reluctantly left the court room wondering what was going to happen next…When we got outside, we did recognize the kid who was head-butted sitting with his attorney collaborating with the VA prosecutor (I guess..)…About 20 minutes later, the officer who had called us there told us we were free to go as they were settling…The lawyer and the kid who was assaulted then approached and thanked us for being there.  I guess ‘us’ being there really strengthened their case…Well, glad I was able to help in some fucking way here…Kevin and I then walked past all the criminals of the county and their representatives not knowing how the case even ended up…

Well, Johnny certainly wasn’t going to be satisfied with that verdict…The officer told us he would send us the following video as I was hoping to get a bit more footage than the last video I shared with you guys…He came through on his promise so that’s when I asked him if I was allowed to ask how the case was resolved…He told me the initial offer was to pay the plaintiff $800 to cover medical bills and whatever else…then it went to $1200, and finally was accepted at $1600 and the headbutter would not have any criminal record after some type of probation…really exciting stuff…Way to go Tiger…

I’m hoping you can somehow open this file below as I couldn’t down and upload it like I usually can…there’s a bit more footage, but nothing like I wanted as the good stuff starts after it cuts off again…

IMG_1113

I actually was a bit surprised at how calm Kevin and I were initially as it seemed like everything escalated within milliseconds at the time…My left hand to the criminal’s back right at the end definitely calmed everything down after that though….Both wrestlers sucked, by the way…Did I mention that…

On another note, I just wanted to add that I didn’t write the bad-word book I talked about last time here…another guy did, I just read it…I actually lost a few followers after that post…gimme a break…people have no sense of humor these days…I actually wrote to the guy commending his brilliance and briefly talked about how I feel bad every time I use that nasty word…I added the following about my Mom and her distaste of it…’My Mom won’t even make my favorite meals anymore when I come home for my birthday and Christmas’…I thought that was one of my best lines ever…I got no response from the fucker…

What, did you think I was going to talk about another Tiger here……

I Know What You’re Thinking…

…man John, that is one fucking scary mask you have there…Or perhaps you’re trying to figure out the missing word at the end of the book title…Ha, you just said a bad word to yourself…you probably just said it again…Yes, this is a book…as you can see, a New York Times Bestselling book…this is a book I’m currently reading…this is a book a client gave me because he knew I would enjoy it…this is a book I am thoroughly enjoying…

I know 80% of my readers (funny, that sounds like I have thousands of readers tuning in every few weeks to read my rambles..) cringe when I use that bad word (sort of) spelled out above…3 of them I’m related to…’I don’t see why you have to use that word John’ is what I hear quite often…I don’t really, but either do the countless movies and TV shows we all enjoy…it’s reality, people say the word and use it in many different ways…

Mr. Manson uses it quite often in his writing above…In fact, on page 5 he used it 11 times, including 6 times in one paragraph (the paragraph had only 18 words…that’s a lie, sorry…)…I haven’t cringed once while reading it and I’m not even half-way through the book…The gist of the book is that people give a ____ about way too many things…It’s impossible to not give a ____ about anything, but we need to cut down on the things we do give a ____ about…For instance, I witnessed a gentleman in front of me in the self-check out line visibly getting upset at an 85-year old lady taking way too long to scan her Metamucil (I don’t even know what that is..), almond milk and granola…Granted, Grandma should’ve never been in that lane to begin with, but unless this jackass is losing thousands of dollars for every minute he’s not back at work, calm the fuck down…Or the guy who was noticeably upset at me for taking my time in my car while leaving the gym…he was actually sitting there waiting for me so he could get a parking spot 25 feet closer to the entrance…I took my sweet ‘ol time doing everything imaginable to make that lazy fuck wait a few extra minutes…I just couldn’t get my sunglasses to sit correctly on my head for some reason….

Okay, sorry Mom, Lauren and Leo…I’m done using the bad word…for this post…

On another note, the gym I currently go to has been closed for the past few months due to extensive water damage…what a kick in the ass this has been…I’ve been forced to drive an extra 4 minutes to another Gold’s gym where I’ve seen an overabundance of tank-tops, holder-‘on’ers, piss poor exercise technique, exercises that aren’t even exercises, people wearing clothing that should never be stitched together, etc…ya know, pretty much the same shit…On the bright side, my gym has promised to be better than ever when it reopens this Tuesday…new cardio machines, new strength training equipment, new flooring, new everything…Wow, talk about being excited…I can’t _______ wait……

Enjoy the horsies today…

 

 

 

400 METERS TO GO…

…how I look forward to hearing those words from the little lady inside my I-Pod telling me my morning run is coming to a close…(there’s a little man inside as well, but I choose the more soothing female voice..)…At this point, I’m usually so exhausted, I can’t wait to finish…isn’t this exercise shit supposed to get easier the more you do it…Anyway, I always think 400 meters, that’s about 40 seconds or so and I’ll be home…And then I laugh (not out loud because I’m so out of breath, I would probably choke and collapse..) because my mind always wanders to the 100 Meter sprinters like Usain Bolt (look, twice Mr. Bolt has made the No Sweat blog..) who run the 100M dash in under 10 seconds…I only have 400 meters to go, so if you do the math, even if I’m not quite as fast as those robot freak sprinters, I’ll be done in at least under a minute…then about 40 seconds go by and the bitch still hasn’t told me I have 300 meters to go…what the hell is going on here I think..??  Then I realize I’m Gammar, and not Usain…I guess I’ll have to trudge along for well over 40 seconds to reach my destination…I think this every time she tells me ‘400 meters to go’, today I finally decided to share with you…Thank God, right…

Let’s get back to the ‘running never gets easier’ thing…You know what, it never gets any ‘funner’ either…it should be a word, we’ve all used it…I certainly don’t enjoy going out every Saturday morning to run my whatever distance I choose that particular day…whether it be 5 miles, no fun…11 miles, still no fun…any distance, zero fun…It is a good time though to get some quality thinking done as my I-Pod shuffles my favorite songs…2 normal length 4-minute-or-so songs should get me to a mile before the 2nd one ends…if not, I’m being a lazy ass and not pushing myself…God, I hope I hit a good drive to begin my round today…why the fuck can’t the Caps beat the Penguins in the playoffs year after year…if I was a die-hard Caps fan, I would kill myself if they lose this year (please don’t do it Tim…)…$65K seems a bit pricey for a Mertuzzi piece of art work, but it would look perfect in my foyer…who would want a snake as a pet (I saw this video on Facebook where a girl was sleeping with a blanket up to her neck…someone slowly pulls the blanket away revealing one of those albino pythons curled up on her stomach and chest…I expected her to jump in utter fear, like I would have X 100 and never recovered, but she opened her eyes, smiled, and petted the slimy, evil thing…and the snake seemed pleased by the kind gesture…are you fucking kidding me..)…These are some of the random thoughts that go through my mind as I pace out my morning run…they certainly don’t make it any easier though…but at least I’m entertaining myself…

Did I mention how I hate running in humidity…I’m still sweating and I finished about 2 hours ago…I’m sure they’ll be a plethora of dumb-asses who will be out pounding the pavement this afternoon in the 90-degree, 150% humidity Virginia heat…I salute the effort, but you’re not very smart to do something so idiotic…go get yourself a Slushie…

Happy Sabado!!

WillPower and Wrastling…

With my last few posts focusing on anything but fitness (that’s really not true…wrestling is sort of fitness-related), it got me thinking about one of the most popular topics in the health and fitness industry — losing weight.  And basically my thoughts were, ya know, just do it.  We did it as immature, irresponsible kids, why can’t mature, responsible adults do it.  I can’t remember anyone on my team or the opposing team for that matter ever being overweight and not being able to compete.  Just fucking do what you have to do and shed a few pounds.  Ya think I wanted to get up and run 5 miles this morning before finishing writing this…I know a friend out West who probably doubled my mileage after drinking 5 or 6 cosmos last night without batting an eye (I think that’s the right expression..)…I remember my Mom always saying I had great ‘willpower’ during wrestling season…one can define that however one wants, but I always thought of it as being able to contain myself and not overeat or drink…A client gave me some Girlscout cookies a few weeks ago…I could easily have eaten the entire box in one sitting (really isn’t that much…they really should put more in those boxes for the price), but I don’t…I have a few at a time and that’s that…

I’m actually glad I went on my run this morning as I remembered what I came up with a few weeks ago when thinking about writing this post.  How about this scenario — Every time a person goes to a trainer for advice to lose weight, they immediately go to their local bank afterward.  If a person tells the trainer they want to lose 20 pounds in a few months, then their bank account is deducted $1000 every week they don’t lose at least a pound.  And there’s no backing out of the initial agreement.  Ya think that’ll motivate some people to stick to what their trainer or just common sense tells them.  I guarantee more results with my plan…

Not to beat a dead horse here, but I’ll always remember an overweight client telling me 2 things years ago.  She’s a person who did every class known to man, belonged to 4 gyms, tried every diet, yada, yada, yada…’I can’t do cardio John, it’s too boring’ and ‘I can’t get up before 8 o’clock to exercise, I’m too tired’…I can’t believe you’re so fucking lazy is what I wanted to say…I didn’t though…People like her have no chance and deserve to called the 3-letter ‘f’ word…she’s fat, and always will be…don’t take offense…

I know a Serbian amateur star tennis player who lost 25-30 lbs in 6 months no problem.  Ya know why, she worked her ass off and started eating better.  I’ve been friends with a guy who I’ve given endless advice and training over the years only to see his weight yo-yo up and down without ever coming close to reaching his goal.  Within the past 18 months, after finally bearing down on his eating and exercising, he’s lost close to 40 lbs and I can barely recognize the skinny fuck…and I say that in the nicest way possible.  Our good friend QOS on the site here squatted and ran/hobbled her way to earning the name ‘skinny’ from me within months of us initially meeting.  For some reason, these people give credit to me, but I did absolutely nothing besides keep them company while they worked their ass off.  It can be done people, just go and do it…..

Okay, okay…that’s enough of this serious shit…You all know how much I love sports of all kinds.  March Madness this time of year is fantastic, football is always king, and I’ll even delve into the NBA and NHL playoffs when they start in a few weeks.  And who cannot wait for the greatest 4-day event in sports which starts in a few weeks.  With all that said, last Saturday night was 3 of the greatest hours of sports I’ve ever watched.  And it wasn’t March Madness…It was the NCAA Wrestling Championships.  Granted, I’m biased…Penn State crowned 5 straight individual National Champions to end the night and ran away with the team championship to make it 6 of the last 7 years.  Just the way shit went down made it all so awesome…I’ve had a bunch of wrestling (not Penn State fans per se) fans say the same thing.  There were upsets and plenty of drama around every corner…Even people who know nothing about the sport would’ve enjoyed it…I guarantee that…

The one example that came to mind when I thought about other great sporting events was watching Tiger play on a broken leg (not known at the time) in the 2008 US Open in primetime.  Nothing better than watching Tiger and a Major tournament when it’s dark outside and the beers are flowing…Denise, Vinny and Lori shared this great evening as Tiger rolled in two 50+ feet eagle putts and then chipped in from off the green on another occasion late in the round for good measure.  It was just a sick display of golf…This is when Tiger was still Tiger and none of his scandal was out in the open yet…And his back was not that of an 85-year old…One can only hope we can have another ‘Tiger’ moment like this again…

I’ll stop rambling and leave you with the highlight of the evening last Saturday…Here’s the set-up — The guy counting the lights (wrestling expression) in orange was a 2-time NCAA champion as a junior…the guy that made him count the light fixtures is a true freshman from some Pennsylvania school…I would’ve sent you the entire match, but only about 3 of ya would watch all 8 minutes…kinda wish they gave us a bit more though…pretty cool shit nonetheless…

I wish there was a camera on what me and my buddy did after this happened…well, then again, maybe not…

Hoping Zags and Ducks today…

INTRODUCING….

Gammar, circa 1989…pre-Freshman Farewell Dance…

Boy, do I look thrilled or what…..

This is all 103lbs of me…well, probably about 105…I believe I wrestled earlier in the day and then was able to attend the dance in the evening…Which, to think about, is unheard of…I think I can count on 1 finger the number of times we wrestled a conference dual in the afternoon on a Saturday…maybe because it was Bishop Hoban and they really sucked at wrestling…I think my match with Charlie Molecavage lasted about 30 seconds…poor little boy (he was about 95lbs soaking wet) didn’t stand a chance against the above pictured monster…

Anyway, the hottest chick in 9th grade, Regina Judge, had the privilege of this handsome, ‘sucked out’ Walking Dead zombie/human taking her to the dance…I’m sorry Gina for showing up looking like I hadn’t eaten in a few days and hadn’t seen the sun in a few months…I’m surprised your parents didn’t throw a couple steaks down in front of me forcing me to eat them before we left to ensure I would make it through the night without passing out…

That sure is a crop of hair I’m sporting on my huge head, isn’t it…I guess with my body being so skinny and frail, my head appears a bit larger…I really don’t recall parting my hair in that fashion either…trust me, my date looked like a million dollars and canceled out my appearance…oh well, you’re only in 9th grade once…

Many thanks to my Mom for sending me this Polaroid after my wrestling post last week…remember those cameras decades ago where the picture comes sliding out and then you have to wait for it to develop and come into focus for 15-20 seconds…safe to say technology has evolved a bit since then…

 

 

 

 

Marathon Maniac…

Many thanks to my former client Queen of Squats for sending me the following highly inspirational story/link…Hopefully you’ll take a few minutes to read about a man’s journey of running 7 marathons in 7 days on 7 different continents…yes, you just read that fucking correctly…how is that possible logistically, you might think…well, it is apparently…and guess what..??  He won them all…with ease…

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/dc-sports-bog/wp/2017/01/30/it-made-me-question-my-sanity-every-day-michael-wardian-sets-record-in-seven-marathon-challenge/?utm_term=.6d653b7c01ae

To start, obviously, his outfit is an issue with me…come on loser, you’re making this way too easy…the tank-top, the short shorts, the goofy hat, the knee-high socks (although I don’t think they’re socks, but some sort of calf compression gear that’s all the rave right now..), the multi-colored sneakers (which are actually okay in my book..)…looks like this guy weighs about 105 lbs soaking wet…just about what I expected after reading about what he did…

My initial reaction after deciding to write some sort of post about this dude was to go off about the fact that he considered this a ‘fun’ experience…I had a few examples of what I considered fun, such as hitting a golf ball pure directly at your target…attending a concert of your favorite band and they sound just as good or better than what you’ve listened to all your life…have 3 Aces show up on the base line of a video poker machine followed by the ‘multiplier’ starting to buzz, etc…I probably would’ve thrown in a few more and went into more detail than above before re-reading the article and disappointingly found at no point did skinny-ass mention the 7-continent experience as being ‘fun’…what a shame…I did find something to relate to though…bear with me a bit as I lead you up to it…

I’m pretty sure all of you who read this know that I wrestled a vast part of my childhood through high school.  Love the sport, but let me tell you, it’s not fun, not even fucking close…soccer was fun to play, wrestling definitely wasn’t…There are a multitude of reasons for this…The one I’ll focus on is the ‘weight cutting’ involved in it…this is no secret that wrestlers lose vast amounts of weight to wrestle in a lower weight class than they actually weigh…in most cases, a much lower weight class…I won’t bore you with why this takes place…The fact is it sucks and it totally consumes your life…all you think about is how much ‘over’ you are (how many pounds over the weight you need to weigh..), how many pounds that half a piece of chicken, 21 green beans, tablespoon of mashed potatoes and 6oz of water you had for dinner just put on you, how you can’t wait to go to the bathroom to lose any amount of weight possible (it’s true..)…when you wake up in the morning, you can give a shit about the Trigonometry test you have that day or how your girlfriend is…all you’re worried about is how much ‘over’ you are (being ‘under’ is unheard of, unless it’s a few hours before weigh-ins..)…yes, it’s a sickness, no doubt…all wrestlers who cut significant amounts of weight know about all these feelings, plus a thousand more…Add to the fact you feel ‘sucked out’ 24 hours a day (even when you’re sleeping) and you have it all…Oh, sorry, let me define — ‘sucked out’ refers to basically having no energy all the time, you look (face pale and drawn-in) and feel like total shit, your legs get fatigued just walking up 2 flights of stairs, you’re fucking tired and irritable…get the picture…oh, you also have to look forward to putting on multiple sweatshirts to make your way down to an over-heated wrestling room tucked in the furthest depths of hell/your high school to practice with/sweat all over other teammates with the same wardrobe multiple times a week with zero energy…God, doesn’t all this sound like fucking fun…??

But you know what, there is light at the end of the tunnel and something to look forward to…EATING…yes, the basic human function, EATING…and of course, drinking something with flavor and sugar other than water..(I actually remember craving the most unappealing beverages ever…like diet ginger ale, diet lemon-lime Rite soda, cranberry juice…in other words, shit I would never fathom to drink otherwise).  Back in my high school days, we wrestled every Wednesday and Saturday evening…one match against one other team…(don’t even get me started about the ridiculousness of what high school wrestling has become these days…at least here in Virginia)…win or lose, all wrestlers knew what was coming later those evenings…a complete gorge-fest…granted, you ate and drank after you weighed in, but not that much, as you did have to wrestle another ‘sucked out’ human being in a few hours…I specifically remember Wednesday evenings as we (the team) usually didn’t go out after the meet as we did have school the next day…I went home with my parents, talked about my match briefly, and most importantly, ate my face off…Mom and Dad were always very gracious and offered to buy me/cook anything my little heart desired as they saw first-hand how miserable their son was most of the time during the season…sorry Mom and Dad, I apologize for being a complete dick…They would usually offer me my favorites — meatball sub with cheese, pizza, cheese calzones, vanilla milkshakes, burgers, fries, pasta, whatever, you name it…Although all those sound scrumptious (it really is a word..), I always craved something else…I would say, ‘you know what Mom, if you and Dad want to order a meatball sub and a large extra-cheese pizza from Antonio’s, that sounds great.  But I’m totally craving a grilled market garden salad with light balsamic vinaigrette dressing on the side with extra cucumbers and radishes…and make sure you have them slice some small onion pieces in it as I know I won’t taste them…they’re only in there to add flavor (at least one person is laughing now..)…Man, I would devour those salads like there’s no tomorrow…I couldn’t get enough of them…sometimes I would even ask for an additional side salad with oil and vinegar dressing with cherry stone tomatoes sprinkled in as well…talk about living on the edge…I knew I’d be totally ‘over’ the next morning, but those fucking salads certainly hit the spot and I went to bed happy and fulfilled…only to wake up the next morning feeling fat and ‘over’weight…and thus, the psychotic and dismalness started all over again for a few days….

YUMMY…(for those of you unfamiliar with what a salad looks like…)

Now, if you didn’t read the article above about the running man, you have no fucking idea about what I just wrote…and why it should’ve been somewhat funny…shame on you…