Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Pathetic DC Sports Fans…and the Ever-Popular ‘Ellipsis’…

…the ‘what’…you might be saying…Ya mean you don’t know what an ellipsis is…well, here’s your answer…You just read through 7 of them in the past 4 seconds…I was perusing through a ‘technical’ writing book (yes, I do consider what I write here as being ‘technical’…very technical..) trying to improve myself and came across a section talking about an ‘ellipsis’ and it’s use in business writing…I really wasn’t paying attention until my eyes caught the 3 little dots after a sentence…I immediately thought, wait…these motherfuckers are steeling my writing style…Gammar invented the 3 little dots instead of a period to end most thoughts and sentences…What the fuck is with this ‘ellipsis’ thing…I continued reading as my blood pressure rose…It went on to define the ‘ellipsis’ as:  A series of dots (typically three, such as “…”) that usually indicates an intentional omission of a word, sentence, or whole section from a text without altering its original meaning…hmmm, really…that’s what I’ve been doing here for the past few years…I’m intentionally omissing a series of words without altering my original meaning…I don’t think so…An ‘ellipsis’ should be defined as someone just rambling away on the keyboard and the easiest way to end a sentence or thought is to just tap the ‘.’ keys 3 times with one’s right ring-finger…no space bar needed whatsoever…Come on…an ellipsis…gimme a fucking break with that term…should be called a ‘gammar’…

Okay, second thought…I’m very grateful to not have grown up in the DC area…Between the traffic, the expensiveness, the political rings, etc, I probably would’ve killed myself by now…(a little drastic, perhaps..)…But more importantly, if I grew up here, with my love of sports, I probably would’ve become a fan of the DC sports teams…and what a fucking nightmare that would be for me today…In case you need a quick recap… our teams (particularly 2 of them..) fucking dominate in the regular season and then shit-the-bed when the lights shine the brightest in the post-season…yeah, they fucking choke…that’s a better way to say it…Every fucking year it seems the city’s beloved Washington Capitals and Washington Nationals cruise through the regular season setting all kinds of records for winning their division/conference, blah, blah, blah…Too bad you don’t get trophies for that…And then the post-season starts and they forget how/are unable to perform…Sure, they come alive for stretches to force deciding games (mostly in their home arenas..) and give the fans much-needed hope and excitement…but then the diarrhea hits full-force leading to the same shit (…I know, just awful..) each year…A crushing loss leading the fans to ask, ‘what happened’…What incited me to write this are those ‘true, die-hard, passionate, loving’ fans who will post on Facebook afterwards shit like this, ‘What a great season the Nats had this year…such an exciting game…we were so close…so proud of them…we’ll get ’em next year..’  You know what this tells me…it tells me you’re not a competitor, you’ve never competed and been good enough to know what losing feels like…it sucks…Fuck next year…2 examples quickly came to mind with people like this…They might not be relevant at all, but I’m going to ramble more here and make you read them anyway…I feel like this ‘true, what a great season’ rah-rah fan would be happy for the person who just got the big promotion at work over themselves…Could that ever happen..??  Maybe with these sweet type of people…And, of course, this is the first thing that came to mind (probably no relevance whatsoever..)…you’re grinding at a video poker machine in a casino…the machine is letting you win just to keep your interest, but you’re not hitting anything substantial…you keep throwing money in it thinking, ‘it’s gonna hit, I can feel it..’ (Most people won’t feel or even understand this emotion…you have to have a gambling problem to experience it…it’s fucking wonderful, by the way..)…but it fucking doesn’t hit and finally after wasting a ton of money, you decide to move down a few machines and try your luck at a different one…within minutes, some loser sits down at your previous machine and before you know it, an attendant is standing over them handing them your money because that fucking loser just hit a jackpot…Are you fucking kidding me…Would you be happy for that person..??  Fuck no…but I feel like the lovable loser described above would go over there and give the winner a big ‘pat’ on the back and say, ‘Congratulations…I’m really happy for you…that was a great hit..’…Me, on the other hand, would want to punch the person square in the face and run off with some of the ‘jackpot’ money…Did this all make sense..??  If it didn’t, fuck it…it did to me…The bottom line is I don’t want to hear about how great the Caps and the Nats are during the regular season anymore…it doesn’t matter one bit…Why waste your time getting excited about regular season wins…We all know what happens when that season ends…their season basically ends…why put the fans through the torture of even playing the playoff games…

Did I mention above how fucking boring it is to watch a baseball game…Oh my God, I don’t know how people do it night after night…Don’t ever compare baseball to football…at least to me…you’ll never win that argument…I actually meant to talk about college football in this post, but as you probably can tell (if you made it this far..), I’ve rambled quite a bit and can for a while more if I get into my football rant…I’ll spare you, but reinforce my stance from last year — there’s no better sport in America than college football…just look at what happened last night…a shitty Syracuse team changed the entire landscape of the season last night as 24-point underdogs…Muchos gracias Orangemen, by the way…Every fucking game counts people…there’s no night’s off like the other sports can partake in…you take the night off in college football, your season pretty much ends if you’re a contender…argue that baseball geeks…

That’s enough here…Let’s hope Penn State is home resting…the 3-game gauntlet they have starting next week is brutal…They’ll never make it through that unscathed in my opinion…I’m a fucking realist, remember…

Sorry everyone…I was bad this morning…

Is That Wrong…

So I was headed back to beautiful, muggy Northern Virginia Sunday morning after surprising my parents up in lame Northeast Pennsylvania on Saturday…(I know it’s not a complete sentence, whatever…)…This was after a delightful day of visiting an aquarium, volunteering some time at a local shelter, and singing in the choir at church in the evening…Sure beats watching college football, gambling in a casino, or having a few drinks…I promise, we didn’t do any of those things…really didn’t have time…we were singing, remember….

Anyway, on my ride home, reminiscing about the rather powerful version of ‘Holy, Holy, Holy’ we belted out in the chorus the previous evening, I was completely relaxed and content.  We really fucking nailed that song, I have to admit…I’m basically a ‘cruise’ driver when it comes to driving long distances…I set the speedometer to how fast I want to go and just try to stay out of anyone’s way…Who am I kidding, I pretty much do that in any type of driving I do…I was in the right lane minding my own business listening to some Pearl Jam (‘Jeremy’ if you must know..) when I noticed a car in the passing lane approaching fairly fast…The problem was he was halfway out of his lane to the left and barely on the road…He corrected the problem rather quickly (most likely hit those built-in crevices, or whatever the hell they’re called, that make your car vibrate uncontrollably and make that loud, annoying noise that instantly wakes you up from a deep sleep..), veered somewhat back into the center of the lane and proceeded.  Luckily for me, his erraticness  behind me ended as he passed me in a flash and continued his loose driving…He went back and forth between lanes for a few more miles, but at least he was in front of me now and definitely exceeding my cruising speed.  As ‘Jeremy’ contemplated killing himself in the song (I think that’s what it’s about..), I contemplated how this jackass might kill himself or someone else if he keeps driving like he is…I was completely fascinated though…I had to make my way into the passing lane and was a good 75 yards behind the Swerver when I saw him completely bee-line to the right…There certainly wasn’t much road there and only about 10 yards of ditch/grass before a large scaled rock structure/small mountain awaited.  Luckily for Jeremy, the grass was fairly thick and he didn’t hit the structure as hard as he could have.  But how could I know for sure…’Wow’, I thought, ‘did that really just happen..??’  Hell yeah, it did…Small pieces of his car flew up onto the road for us to avoid, but not many…By the time (seconds) I got to where the crash took place, the guy was already out of the car and stumbling towards the road looking a bit disoriented, but not bloodied at all…I put my brakes on and contemplated moving over to the right lane to eventually stop and make sure the individual was okay, but then realized there was a car directly to my right…I couldn’t get over, and by then I was at least 100 yards past the accident scene.  There were 2 cars who were stopping, so I didn’t want to crowd the scene with my presence.  They could surely handle things.  As I drove a few more seconds, again, I said to myself, ‘wow’…this time followed by, ‘man, that was pretty cool..’…So, is that wrong..??

As for fitness, I watched an interview of a wrestler from Iowa claiming he could do 112 pull-ups in a row…not a fucking chance, dude…And there’s my fitness perspective, as you all anxiously wait for each week………

The Map…

So, to update my life…as I know you guys/gals all look forward to…I have a new human being inhabiting my 2nd 285-square-foot bedroom…no German Shepherd included, but she’s darling, I must say…smarter than me and all the stuffed animals I have living at my place combined…we say about 18 words to each other every day…it’s fucking great…About a week-and-a-half into her stay, she innocently asked me (via text..remember, we don’t want to waste our 18 words actually fucking speaking..) where the ‘garbage bin’ (her words) was at my complex…Since she’s so intelligent, I half-heartedly thought she was being sarcastic…I hate those type of people, by the way…I politely (as always..) responded saying I can direct her when she gets home…This was forgetting the fact that I go to bed at around 6:45PM each night…I totally forgot that part…(I know I already said that…that was the point…)…She’s a normal human being, so she stays up until at least 8:30 on school nights…I responded with this text (exact words) laying in bed at 6:51PM…

John-John:  The dumpster is pretty much diagonal from our building.  If you drive around the complex, you can’t miss it…nite…(remember, I was going to bed at fucking 6:54PM…)

She playfully responded (God only knows when…my stupid phone doesn’t tell me the exact time when people text when I turn it off…I’m sure I can fuck around with it to tell me, but I’m not that ambitious…)… : I’m still holding out for that map.  Followed by another separate text with an emoji…Gammar doesn’t do emoji’s…so that won’t show up here…sorry…

Upon seeing that at 2:30AM, I took a few hours before going to work in the morning to delicately and skillfully craft this piece of art to direct her…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m darling…

THE END

INTRODUCING….

Gammar, circa 1989…pre-Freshman Farewell Dance…

Boy, do I look thrilled or what…..

This is all 103lbs of me…well, probably about 105…I believe I wrestled earlier in the day and then was able to attend the dance in the evening…Which, to think about, is unheard of…I think I can count on 1 finger the number of times we wrestled a conference dual in the afternoon on a Saturday…maybe because it was Bishop Hoban and they really sucked at wrestling…I think my match with Charlie Molecavage lasted about 30 seconds…poor little boy (he was about 95lbs soaking wet) didn’t stand a chance against the above pictured monster…

Anyway, the hottest chick in 9th grade, Regina Judge, had the privilege of this handsome, ‘sucked out’ Walking Dead zombie/human taking her to the dance…I’m sorry Gina for showing up looking like I hadn’t eaten in a few days and hadn’t seen the sun in a few months…I’m surprised your parents didn’t throw a couple steaks down in front of me forcing me to eat them before we left to ensure I would make it through the night without passing out…

That sure is a crop of hair I’m sporting on my huge head, isn’t it…I guess with my body being so skinny and frail, my head appears a bit larger…I really don’t recall parting my hair in that fashion either…trust me, my date looked like a million dollars and canceled out my appearance…oh well, you’re only in 9th grade once…

Many thanks to my Mom for sending me this Polaroid after my wrestling post last week…remember those cameras decades ago where the picture comes sliding out and then you have to wait for it to develop and come into focus for 15-20 seconds…safe to say technology has evolved a bit since then…

 

 

 

 

Tommy Terrific + Headbutt…

Okay, first of all, the link to the video on my last post was ‘Falcons’ located directly below the text colored in red…Didn’t we all learn that when something is in a different color, you probably can ‘click’ on it as it’s a link to something else…Apparently some people didn’t as I received multiple replies asking where the video was shortly after I posted…it’s there people, just put a little effort in…or simply be lazy and click below…

CLICK HERE…

For those of you who were clever enough to figure out I don’t make mistakes here at the site and did include the link, you might be asking for a bit of clarification on why that hideous display took place.  Well, here’s your cliff-notes version…I realize 95% of the people who read this probably haven’t seen more than 5 ‘amateur’ wrestling matches in their lives…if any for that matter…I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but most wrestling bouts don’t end with one competitor viciously head-butting another…Again, hard to believe, but true…The ‘head-butter’ (really not a good wrestler by the way, just athletic and strong..) won the match 8-3, but upon completion, got up and immediately yelled, ‘he bit me, he fucking (his words, not mine..) bit me..’  Got in the ‘biters’ (apparently) face and you saw the rest…Under normal circumstances, we would have checked the wrestler’s hand or arm (usually the spots it occurs) to see if a bite really did happen (again, a rarity).  In this case though, we had no chance as the assault happened immediately…within seconds it seemed, the ‘head-butter’s parents were on the mat (along with the rest of the gym) acting all ‘black’ trying to defend their idiot son…our job as referees was to get the kid off the mat and out of the gym as fast as possible to make sure nothing else escalated…the wrestler who was ‘attacked’ (probably a good word choice) went straight down on his back immediately and stayed there for about 5 minutes…he eventually got up and suffered a broken nose…he did wrestle last week in the Regional tournament where he finished 5th and will advance to the State tournament this coming weekend…I actually reffed his 5th place match and wanted to forcefully shove my whistle either into my eye socket or down my throat to avoid having to watch such a God-awful match…it was one of the worst displays of wrestling I’d ever seen as neither kid attempted a takedown for 6+ minutes…and to think both of them are in the ‘State’ tournament this weekend…Pennsylvania wrestling, Virginia is certainly not…Sorry, back to the story…As you could expect, the ‘head-butter’ was called for flagrant misconduct and immediately kicked out of the tournament and wasn’t able to wrestle this past weekend…The ironic/idiotic thing is the kid’s coach tried to justify his actions and wanted the other kid kicked out as well for biting…that discussion between him and myself lasted about 6 seconds as I was in disbelief of what he was saying…Things calmed down within 10 minutes and order was restored to finish the tournament…Had a nice conversation with a police officer last week as charges are being filed…Hmmm, cliff-notes version, huh…well, at least you know what happened now…

Speaking of which, did anyone see what happened 2 days later in Houston on the football field…you know what happened, ‘Sports’ happened…fucking again…and it was great…I’ll be the first to admit, I was rooting for the Falcons, along with the rest of the world who weren’t born in Massachusetts…and thought for sure they had that game won midway through the 3rd quarter…who didn’t…but then the unthinkable happened and we were all left to watch the greatest meltdown in Super Bowl history…it was very difficult to watch, but truly what makes sports great time after time…I wonder if any of the Falcons have slept since that game…you really blew it guys…3rd and 1 and the only thing that couldn’t happen happened…Matt Ryan fumbled after a missed block and the Falcons train went off the track for the next 90 minutes for us to watch in horror…Okay, I’m done with this subject…

Next…everyone’s favorite QB, Tom Brady…or Tommy Brady…why don’t we ever call him Thomas…I bet his birth certificate says ‘Thomas’…or how about ‘Mike’ Jordan…or ‘Jeffrey’ Gordon…or ‘Joe’ Addai…or ‘Phillip’ Mickelson…or ‘Dave’ Taylor (3 people will get this one)…just shit I randomly think about…no need to discuss further…

And here’s your fitness lesson for the month — Yesterday I decided to do something different at the gym to keep me from killing myself out of sheer boredom…so here’s what I did…20 sets of chest, 10 sets of shoulders and 10 sets of triceps…that seems like a lot, doesn’t it…well, it is, at least for me…I haven’t done that many sets of chest since my college days at East Halls Gym at Penn State…this was all done in about 45 minutes…the high school and college kids who do this much volume take about 4 hours…you know what though, I’m sore as shit today and my chest has expanded 3 inches…So, there’s your free tip — change shit up, do different things, get out of your comfort zone…and stop holding on to the fucking treadmill…

Lastly, I greeted and spoke with 473 complete strangers the other day at work…who says I don’t like people…

Hi…

…remember me…when I saw the throw to Barkley for the TD to take the lead, I said to myself and Hannibal (one person will get this one, maybe two..) last night, that was one of the best throws of the year…check it out at 56 seconds…that one sucks, but the next highlight shows it perfectly…if you can spare 1 minute, 42 seconds of your life, you should watch the entire video…you might even get a bit emotional…

No one, no one…

will get this…look at McSorley’s eyes and tell me what famous athlete has those same features…just his eyes…I told ya, you have no idea…sorry, at least I made you think for 8 seconds…below is my Facebook post today…you know if I post, it’s fucking important…

3 things — 1. How’s this for a bold statement — Trace McSorley for Heisman…who’s been better the past 9 weeks…yeah, you’re right, fucking nobody…2. I write on my blog all the time about sports being great…and last night delivered again…If you didn’t grow up in Wisconsin and weren’t rooting for Penn State, stop watching…3. And to piss a bunch of people off…the sports world is in a much better place today because of this guy playing…

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The Man…