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Is That Wrong…

So I was headed back to beautiful, muggy Northern Virginia Sunday morning after surprising my parents up in lame Northeast Pennsylvania on Saturday…(I know it’s not a complete sentence, whatever…)…This was after a delightful day of visiting an aquarium, volunteering some time at a local shelter, and singing in the choir at church in the evening…Sure beats watching college football, gambling in a casino, or having a few drinks…I promise, we didn’t do any of those things…really didn’t have time…we were singing, remember….

Anyway, on my ride home, reminiscing about the rather powerful version of ‘Holy, Holy, Holy’ we belted out in the chorus the previous evening, I was completely relaxed and content.  We really fucking nailed that song, I have to admit…I’m basically a ‘cruise’ driver when it comes to driving long distances…I set the speedometer to how fast I want to go and just try to stay out of anyone’s way…Who am I kidding, I pretty much do that in any type of driving I do…I was in the right lane minding my own business listening to some Pearl Jam (‘Jeremy’ if you must know..) when I noticed a car in the passing lane approaching fairly fast…The problem was he was halfway out of his lane to the left and barely on the road…He corrected the problem rather quickly (most likely hit those built-in crevices, or whatever the hell they’re called, that make your car vibrate uncontrollably and make that loud, annoying noise that instantly wakes you up from a deep sleep..), veered somewhat back into the center of the lane and proceeded.  Luckily for me, his erraticness  behind me ended as he passed me in a flash and continued his loose driving…He went back and forth between lanes for a few more miles, but at least he was in front of me now and definitely exceeding my cruising speed.  As ‘Jeremy’ contemplated killing himself in the song (I think that’s what it’s about..), I contemplated how this jackass might kill himself or someone else if he keeps driving like he is…I was completely fascinated though…I had to make my way into the passing lane and was a good 75 yards behind the Swerver when I saw him completely bee-line to the right…There certainly wasn’t much road there and only about 10 yards of ditch/grass before a large scaled rock structure/small mountain awaited.  Luckily for Jeremy, the grass was fairly thick and he didn’t hit the structure as hard as he could have.  But how could I know for sure…’Wow’, I thought, ‘did that really just happen..??’  Hell yeah, it did…Small pieces of his car flew up onto the road for us to avoid, but not many…By the time (seconds) I got to where the crash took place, the guy was already out of the car and stumbling towards the road looking a bit disoriented, but not bloodied at all…I put my brakes on and contemplated moving over to the right lane to eventually stop and make sure the individual was okay, but then realized there was a car directly to my right…I couldn’t get over, and by then I was at least 100 yards past the accident scene.  There were 2 cars who were stopping, so I didn’t want to crowd the scene with my presence.  They could surely handle things.  As I drove a few more seconds, again, I said to myself, ‘wow’…this time followed by, ‘man, that was pretty cool..’…So, is that wrong..??

As for fitness, I watched an interview of a wrestler from Iowa claiming he could do 112 pull-ups in a row…not a fucking chance, dude…And there’s my fitness perspective, as you all anxiously wait for each week………

The Map…

So, to update my life…as I know you guys/gals all look forward to…I have a new human being inhabiting my 2nd 285-square-foot bedroom…no German Shepherd included, but she’s darling, I must say…smarter than me and all the stuffed animals I have living at my place combined…we say about 18 words to each other every day…it’s fucking great…About a week-and-a-half into her stay, she innocently asked me (via text..remember, we don’t want to waste our 18 words actually fucking speaking..) where the ‘garbage bin’ (her words) was at my complex…Since she’s so intelligent, I half-heartedly thought she was being sarcastic…I hate those type of people, by the way…I politely (as always..) responded saying I can direct her when she gets home…This was forgetting the fact that I go to bed at around 6:45PM each night…I totally forgot that part…(I know I already said that…that was the point…)…She’s a normal human being, so she stays up until at least 8:30 on school nights…I responded with this text (exact words) laying in bed at 6:51PM…

John-John:  The dumpster is pretty much diagonal from our building.  If you drive around the complex, you can’t miss it…nite…(remember, I was going to bed at fucking 6:54PM…)

She playfully responded (God only knows when…my stupid phone doesn’t tell me the exact time when people text when I turn it off…I’m sure I can fuck around with it to tell me, but I’m not that ambitious…)… : I’m still holding out for that map.  Followed by another separate text with an emoji…Gammar doesn’t do emoji’s…so that won’t show up here…sorry…

Upon seeing that at 2:30AM, I took a few hours before going to work in the morning to delicately and skillfully craft this piece of art to direct her…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m darling…

THE END

INTRODUCING….

Gammar, circa 1989…pre-Freshman Farewell Dance…

Boy, do I look thrilled or what…..

This is all 103lbs of me…well, probably about 105…I believe I wrestled earlier in the day and then was able to attend the dance in the evening…Which, to think about, is unheard of…I think I can count on 1 finger the number of times we wrestled a conference dual in the afternoon on a Saturday…maybe because it was Bishop Hoban and they really sucked at wrestling…I think my match with Charlie Molecavage lasted about 30 seconds…poor little boy (he was about 95lbs soaking wet) didn’t stand a chance against the above pictured monster…

Anyway, the hottest chick in 9th grade, Regina Judge, had the privilege of this handsome, ‘sucked out’ Walking Dead zombie/human taking her to the dance…I’m sorry Gina for showing up looking like I hadn’t eaten in a few days and hadn’t seen the sun in a few months…I’m surprised your parents didn’t throw a couple steaks down in front of me forcing me to eat them before we left to ensure I would make it through the night without passing out…

That sure is a crop of hair I’m sporting on my huge head, isn’t it…I guess with my body being so skinny and frail, my head appears a bit larger…I really don’t recall parting my hair in that fashion either…trust me, my date looked like a million dollars and canceled out my appearance…oh well, you’re only in 9th grade once…

Many thanks to my Mom for sending me this Polaroid after my wrestling post last week…remember those cameras decades ago where the picture comes sliding out and then you have to wait for it to develop and come into focus for 15-20 seconds…safe to say technology has evolved a bit since then…

 

 

 

 

Tommy Terrific + Headbutt…

Okay, first of all, the link to the video on my last post was ‘Falcons’ located directly below the text colored in red…Didn’t we all learn that when something is in a different color, you probably can ‘click’ on it as it’s a link to something else…Apparently some people didn’t as I received multiple replies asking where the video was shortly after I posted…it’s there people, just put a little effort in…or simply be lazy and click below…

CLICK HERE…

For those of you who were clever enough to figure out I don’t make mistakes here at the site and did include the link, you might be asking for a bit of clarification on why that hideous display took place.  Well, here’s your cliff-notes version…I realize 95% of the people who read this probably haven’t seen more than 5 ‘amateur’ wrestling matches in their lives…if any for that matter…I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but most wrestling bouts don’t end with one competitor viciously head-butting another…Again, hard to believe, but true…The ‘head-butter’ (really not a good wrestler by the way, just athletic and strong..) won the match 8-3, but upon completion, got up and immediately yelled, ‘he bit me, he fucking (his words, not mine..) bit me..’  Got in the ‘biters’ (apparently) face and you saw the rest…Under normal circumstances, we would have checked the wrestler’s hand or arm (usually the spots it occurs) to see if a bite really did happen (again, a rarity).  In this case though, we had no chance as the assault happened immediately…within seconds it seemed, the ‘head-butter’s parents were on the mat (along with the rest of the gym) acting all ‘black’ trying to defend their idiot son…our job as referees was to get the kid off the mat and out of the gym as fast as possible to make sure nothing else escalated…the wrestler who was ‘attacked’ (probably a good word choice) went straight down on his back immediately and stayed there for about 5 minutes…he eventually got up and suffered a broken nose…he did wrestle last week in the Regional tournament where he finished 5th and will advance to the State tournament this coming weekend…I actually reffed his 5th place match and wanted to forcefully shove my whistle either into my eye socket or down my throat to avoid having to watch such a God-awful match…it was one of the worst displays of wrestling I’d ever seen as neither kid attempted a takedown for 6+ minutes…and to think both of them are in the ‘State’ tournament this weekend…Pennsylvania wrestling, Virginia is certainly not…Sorry, back to the story…As you could expect, the ‘head-butter’ was called for flagrant misconduct and immediately kicked out of the tournament and wasn’t able to wrestle this past weekend…The ironic/idiotic thing is the kid’s coach tried to justify his actions and wanted the other kid kicked out as well for biting…that discussion between him and myself lasted about 6 seconds as I was in disbelief of what he was saying…Things calmed down within 10 minutes and order was restored to finish the tournament…Had a nice conversation with a police officer last week as charges are being filed…Hmmm, cliff-notes version, huh…well, at least you know what happened now…

Speaking of which, did anyone see what happened 2 days later in Houston on the football field…you know what happened, ‘Sports’ happened…fucking again…and it was great…I’ll be the first to admit, I was rooting for the Falcons, along with the rest of the world who weren’t born in Massachusetts…and thought for sure they had that game won midway through the 3rd quarter…who didn’t…but then the unthinkable happened and we were all left to watch the greatest meltdown in Super Bowl history…it was very difficult to watch, but truly what makes sports great time after time…I wonder if any of the Falcons have slept since that game…you really blew it guys…3rd and 1 and the only thing that couldn’t happen happened…Matt Ryan fumbled after a missed block and the Falcons train went off the track for the next 90 minutes for us to watch in horror…Okay, I’m done with this subject…

Next…everyone’s favorite QB, Tom Brady…or Tommy Brady…why don’t we ever call him Thomas…I bet his birth certificate says ‘Thomas’…or how about ‘Mike’ Jordan…or ‘Jeffrey’ Gordon…or ‘Joe’ Addai…or ‘Phillip’ Mickelson…or ‘Dave’ Taylor (3 people will get this one)…just shit I randomly think about…no need to discuss further…

And here’s your fitness lesson for the month — Yesterday I decided to do something different at the gym to keep me from killing myself out of sheer boredom…so here’s what I did…20 sets of chest, 10 sets of shoulders and 10 sets of triceps…that seems like a lot, doesn’t it…well, it is, at least for me…I haven’t done that many sets of chest since my college days at East Halls Gym at Penn State…this was all done in about 45 minutes…the high school and college kids who do this much volume take about 4 hours…you know what though, I’m sore as shit today and my chest has expanded 3 inches…So, there’s your free tip — change shit up, do different things, get out of your comfort zone…and stop holding on to the fucking treadmill…

Lastly, I greeted and spoke with 473 complete strangers the other day at work…who says I don’t like people…

Hi…

…remember me…when I saw the throw to Barkley for the TD to take the lead, I said to myself and Hannibal (one person will get this one, maybe two..) last night, that was one of the best throws of the year…check it out at 56 seconds…that one sucks, but the next highlight shows it perfectly…if you can spare 1 minute, 42 seconds of your life, you should watch the entire video…you might even get a bit emotional…

No one, no one…

will get this…look at McSorley’s eyes and tell me what famous athlete has those same features…just his eyes…I told ya, you have no idea…sorry, at least I made you think for 8 seconds…below is my Facebook post today…you know if I post, it’s fucking important…

3 things — 1. How’s this for a bold statement — Trace McSorley for Heisman…who’s been better the past 9 weeks…yeah, you’re right, fucking nobody…2. I write on my blog all the time about sports being great…and last night delivered again…If you didn’t grow up in Wisconsin and weren’t rooting for Penn State, stop watching…3. And to piss a bunch of people off…the sports world is in a much better place today because of this guy playing…

images
The Man…

HOLY SHIT…

…what can you say about that game the other night…The Caps methodically built a 3-0 lead through 2 periods, only to see the pesky, never-say-die Winnipeg Jets score a hat trick in the 3rd period to force overtime…in the extra…..no, wait, not that game…you know which game I’m talking about…it had everything — drama, tension, excitement, clutchness, more drama, stupidity, quality play, more clutch hitting, unbelievability (it’s a word in my dictionary..), a damn rain delay, utter disappointment, and finally, relief for the millions of Cubs fans around the world…’WOW’ is the sentiment echoed by thralls of weary, sleep-deprived people the next day…

And now it’s time for me to do what I’m good at — piss a ton of people off…

Let’s start with the second to last line in my opening paragraph…I probably should have used the words ‘zillions’ or ‘trillions’ for Cubs fans…When did the entire world become Cubs fans..??  Did everyone grow up in the great state of Illinois..??  Yeah, I know, I know about the long-standing drought of 600 years since a World Series title and the Bartman incident of years past, but let’s not kid ourselves folks…every last person out there isn’t a true, die-hard Cubs fanatic…Name me the left fielder and one reliever besides Chapman…right, you can’t, so stop posting on Facebook and Twitter about ‘The W’ and World Champions and all the other fandom bullshit…If you read this rant religiously, you know I’m a huge sports fan and enjoy great performances and epic (that word is being used way too much as well..) games like the rest of you…and when asked by friends and clients who I was rooting for, I said ‘the Cubs’ like the rest of the universe…but I’m not going to wave a Cubs flag for the next month pretending I’ve been with them for the past 25+ years during their futility…and guess what, I can name the left fielder, right fielder and at least 3 relievers…My feeling of joy would probably have been the same if the Indians third baseman (whoever the hell he is..) approached the ball with a smile on his face to make the final throw to first to clinch the title…You know why…because I just watched a great baseball game…probably Top 10 in history…Granted, I didn’t watch it live and it took me 2 nights to watch every pitch and get through it even fast-forwarding on DVR through the commercials…but you know what, it was still exciting even though I knew what was going to happen (just not exactly when..)…Again, from previously, this is why SPORTS are great…deal with it…

More pissing off — let me explain to you why baseball blows…as you read previously, it took me 2 nights to get through one game, using a DVR no less…if I had to sit through games like that each and every night, I’d want to blow my head off (maybe a little harsh..)…Yes, I know, this is the post-season and game 7 and the managers are going to make multiple visits to the mound and make multiple pitching changes and the pitchers are going to make multiple throws to first knowing they have no chance to pick the runner off, but are just hiding the fact they’re shitting their pants because they have no idea what pitch to throw next in this high-tension situation…I totally get all that, but I totally don’t have to sit through games like that night after night…and I simply won’t…Baseball is flat-out boring…nothing goes on for minutes at a time except pitchers shaking off catchers, players grabbing their crotches in pure boredom, and as it seems like, every player in the dugouts chewing and spitting out sunflower seeds at an alarming rate…For Game 7 though, I’ll watch that shit for 17 innings and 9 hours and enjoy every second of it…not for game number 64 of 162 though…

Speaking of Game 7, here’s another reason baseball blows compared to the king of sports, college football…Plain and simple — every fucking week is game 7, PERIOD.  Washington is playing a game 7 tonight at Cal…they lose, their national title hopes are shot…Both Michigan and Clemson are both huge favorites at home today…but if for some reason, they come out flat, all get food-poisoning, and their opponents have the game of their lives, season over…the tension and drama is there every week…and you know what, it fucking delivers week after week…Who would have thought Penn State, 20-point underdogs, could beat #2 Ohio State…they did, and the environment trumps any baseball crowd ever…(Granted, 110,000 people in white going crazy is tough to beat anywhere..)…Louisville-Clemson, Alabama-Mississippi, Florida State-Clemson, Tennessee-Texas A&M…these are just a few games that come to mind from earlier this season that were just wonderful games to watch…Again, I know, baseball and football are 2 different animals and 2 different viewing experiences…but think about it…College football teams have to run a play every 40 seconds…Baseball pitchers can go minutes without throwing a damn pitch to home plate (multiple throws to first trying for that ‘elusive’ pickoff..)…and with these up-tempo offenses nowadays in college football, the play clock is lucky to get to 20 on most snaps…It’s just flat-out more exciting than any other sport…and has multiple times more drama…including the big, bad NFL…Pro football teams don’t have a Game 7 every week…the Patriots laid an egg weeks ago getting shut out by the Bills at home and you know what…who gives a shit…they still lead their division and conference and it won’t mean a damn thing come playoff time…the low number in the loss column after the ‘-‘ in the team’s record is really inconsequential in the scheme of things…make the playoffs, and you have a chance to win the Super Bowl…Lose today Louisville in Game 7, and you have no chance for an outside bid into the Final 4 college football playoff…Baseball simply has way too many games to produce even a hundredth of the drama/tension college football provides each and every week…

Okay, enough negativity…let’s end this on a positive note…I enjoy watching grown men get excited after going through a long season only to be crowned ‘Champions’.  I had a tear in my eye (I’m very sensitive..) watching the Cubs celebrate and I knew beforehand they had already won.  They were truly the best team all year and deserved to win the World Series.  I utter my ‘Congratulations’!!  I’m happy for the city of Chicago and all their long-time ‘true’ fans.  Here’s one last tidbit I saw that maybe 4 other people in the world picked up on in that game.  I’m actually very surprised Fox didn’t show it after coming back from commercial from the top of the 3rd inning (they’re paid big bucks to notice this type of thing).  Kyle Schwarber from the Cubs tried to extend a single into a double and got thrown out at 2nd base to end the inning.  It was probably a bad decision (considering his bum knee and ankle), but a bad throw could have rendered him safe and in scoring position.  That’s not the point though.  He was out by a good 3 feet or so, but his slide produced a pretty high-impact collision with the Indians shortstop taking the throw.  Schwarber knew he was dead in the water, but before even completing his slide and looking to the umpire hoping for a miracle, he immediately turned his head and asked, ‘Are you okay’ to the Indians player, Francisco Lindor.  Lindor was, patted Schwarber on the back graciously, and even helped him to his feet to end the inning.  Pure class by both players.  And a great moment between 2 class teams during a historical World Series.  Well done guys!  Too bad no one noticed during the 7-hour game…

(The same thing happened a few innings later between Kris Bryant and Lindor on a not-so-intense slide.  Amazing stuff…)

Here ya go Cubbies, enjoy it one more time…

Who said I couldn’t be positive for 200+ words…….